To fight or not to fight.....

Should I fight? Or should I give in?


Questions that constantly baffle me.
How do i voice my disagreement with my MIL without getting the usual reaction from her (a stare..sudden silence...like disbelief that she's being disagreed with!).


I'm supposed to be very good at diplomacy - numerous people have told me this at work. My hubby thinks the same as well. So he asks, 'Why can't you be diplomatic at home too?'


It's true. I seem to have a much more emotional reaction when my MIL says something than when someone else would. It's been nearly 4 years now of living with the in-laws....and at times I feel like I have no say in how the house is run. If I want to change something in the kitchen, MIL says "no, it's been like that for so long...no changing it"; If I want to buy new vessels, MIL wants to only go to the shop she's been going to for 20+ years; And as for cooking.....forget going there! That is MIL's DOMAIN only.....my husband had to fight with her a few sundays ago to make an omelette for everyone (she kept saying he doesn't know the "right" way to do it). 


And then again I i figure why bother? So what if I can't have a say in some things....let the in-laws do it! I can focus on other things....and on my interests. These days everytime I feel like having an outburst, I just tell myself "Calm down...breathe deep...you're way more mature than this!". 
What they say is true: Once you get really old, you start acting more and more like a child...my in-laws can really act kiddish sometimes. So let them be!

How universal is the Saas-Bahu relationship drama!

I can't believe how universal the Saas-Bahu (Mother-in-Law or MIL & Daughter-in-Law or DIL) drama is.....

Every woman I have met in the past 4 years who lives with her husband and his parents have very similar experiences! Just the degree of things vary....

I actually am curious these days about this relationship.
I'm an Indian working woman (my husband and i met in college...got married. So we had a "Love" marriage. We're from similar communities though not the same...but there was no drama from either family on us getting married (except, as my husband told me later, his mom was initially realllly shocked that he had gone ahead and found someone on his own (especially since he's the only son and child!) ).

My husband and I have been staying with his parents for over 4 years now...and frankly, I do enjoy it but it can also be frustrating. And it's very comforting to know that there are so many women out there who go through the same! \

Of course, his parents really are wonderful people....but many times I think they would have preferred a DIL who is more docile and nods her head to what they say rather than someone like me who can many times speak out an opinion that doesn't agree with the majority's!

I'm also not a great cook. And i tell hubby that on weekends I really try to learn from my MIL. But we clash in the kitchen on many things like she wants me to cut onions a certain way (!!) and I say "why not this way" and she just gets quiet! I know this is really trivial right...cutting onions...but really, when you hear the same things over and over again for 4 years, it can get frustrating.

So this year I've decided I have to learn to "Let go".....seriously, just let go. She says something, I want to be able to nod my head...breath slowly...not get irritated...and just let go.....

More than a year later...

...Hmm..I'm back because my hubby said "Do you have a hobby...like a real hobby..something you passionately like and want to do and are willing to set aside the time for?"

I was about to blurt "I like to read you know" - but then I really wondered, what did i realllly like to do? (Introspection revealed my reading habits were sporadic - could go a few months without touching a book and then read like 4 books in a month).

I honestly don't know...maybe this year I should focus on finding something.
If I look at the folks around me: My MIL likes to cook (she's fantastic and can cook really anything under the sun...she also thinks she's the most fantastic cook alive and nobody can beat her ;-))

My FIL (Father-In-Law) watches TV 8-10 hours a day - and can rattle offnows whatever there is to know about politics, movies, cooking shows...

Hubby can think, talk, eat and sleep cars & bikes.

Hmmmm....