Hiatus - Blame it on Motherhood

So another long break later, I am back. The hiatus was a result of a baby (!)...and nearly  a year later I feel like I have the time and energy to sit and blog (read vent/express) feelings, thoughts,  something-I-heard etc.

I spent the last nearly 6 months at home - a conscious decision to take a longer break from work after having had a baby. And what a ride it's beeen!
Obviously the baby's kept me busy - sleepless nights, diapers, watching her grow blah blah. I've also been busy experiencing the first break ever that I took from work....whoa 6 months at home with the in-laws with my hubby hardly at home (travelling extensively for work - extensively as in not-at-home 15-20 days in a month!).
I wanted so much at times to instantly blog things in my head - but I just didn't have the drive, honestly. A combination of exhaustion (a la super active baby) and laziness (a la me) kept me from doing just that. But I am here now...finally...

To fight or not to fight.....

Should I fight? Or should I give in?


Questions that constantly baffle me.
How do i voice my disagreement with my MIL without getting the usual reaction from her (a stare..sudden silence...like disbelief that she's being disagreed with!).


I'm supposed to be very good at diplomacy - numerous people have told me this at work. My hubby thinks the same as well. So he asks, 'Why can't you be diplomatic at home too?'


It's true. I seem to have a much more emotional reaction when my MIL says something than when someone else would. It's been nearly 4 years now of living with the in-laws....and at times I feel like I have no say in how the house is run. If I want to change something in the kitchen, MIL says "no, it's been like that for so long...no changing it"; If I want to buy new vessels, MIL wants to only go to the shop she's been going to for 20+ years; And as for cooking.....forget going there! That is MIL's DOMAIN only.....my husband had to fight with her a few sundays ago to make an omelette for everyone (she kept saying he doesn't know the "right" way to do it). 


And then again I i figure why bother? So what if I can't have a say in some things....let the in-laws do it! I can focus on other things....and on my interests. These days everytime I feel like having an outburst, I just tell myself "Calm down...breathe deep...you're way more mature than this!". 
What they say is true: Once you get really old, you start acting more and more like a child...my in-laws can really act kiddish sometimes. So let them be!

How universal is the Saas-Bahu relationship drama!

I can't believe how universal the Saas-Bahu (Mother-in-Law or MIL & Daughter-in-Law or DIL) drama is.....

Every woman I have met in the past 4 years who lives with her husband and his parents have very similar experiences! Just the degree of things vary....

I actually am curious these days about this relationship.
I'm an Indian working woman (my husband and i met in college...got married. So we had a "Love" marriage. We're from similar communities though not the same...but there was no drama from either family on us getting married (except, as my husband told me later, his mom was initially realllly shocked that he had gone ahead and found someone on his own (especially since he's the only son and child!) ).

My husband and I have been staying with his parents for over 4 years now...and frankly, I do enjoy it but it can also be frustrating. And it's very comforting to know that there are so many women out there who go through the same! \

Of course, his parents really are wonderful people....but many times I think they would have preferred a DIL who is more docile and nods her head to what they say rather than someone like me who can many times speak out an opinion that doesn't agree with the majority's!

I'm also not a great cook. And i tell hubby that on weekends I really try to learn from my MIL. But we clash in the kitchen on many things like she wants me to cut onions a certain way (!!) and I say "why not this way" and she just gets quiet! I know this is really trivial right...cutting onions...but really, when you hear the same things over and over again for 4 years, it can get frustrating.

So this year I've decided I have to learn to "Let go".....seriously, just let go. She says something, I want to be able to nod my head...breath slowly...not get irritated...and just let go.....

More than a year later...

...Hmm..I'm back because my hubby said "Do you have a hobby...like a real hobby..something you passionately like and want to do and are willing to set aside the time for?"

I was about to blurt "I like to read you know" - but then I really wondered, what did i realllly like to do? (Introspection revealed my reading habits were sporadic - could go a few months without touching a book and then read like 4 books in a month).

I honestly don't know...maybe this year I should focus on finding something.
If I look at the folks around me: My MIL likes to cook (she's fantastic and can cook really anything under the sun...she also thinks she's the most fantastic cook alive and nobody can beat her ;-))

My FIL (Father-In-Law) watches TV 8-10 hours a day - and can rattle offnows whatever there is to know about politics, movies, cooking shows...

Hubby can think, talk, eat and sleep cars & bikes.

Hmmmm....

I need to really start channeling my frustrations to some outlet. What frustrations you ask?
Well,

1. Living with in-laws is turning out to be (for 2 years now out of 4 years of being married and out of 6 years of knowing my hubby)

i.Great on the one hand because of the kind of support system there is (minimal worry about cooking, household chores, how to celebrate festivals the ‘right’ way, no bothers of finding a maid who will clean the house by 7am before I leave to work)

ii.NOT So Great because (and these are merely indicative):
a.I can’t go in and just change the way things are, say, arranged in the kitchen – have to discuss with MIL first (of course, they’ve lived in this house for 20+ years so they don’t want change; but I’m just starting off living a married life and have so many ideas of my own) and she rarely wants to do anything new in the kitchen since she’s lived this way for so long. So I feel like I have no control over something that is so simple really.

b.Cannot cook whatever I want to: Okay, so I’m not a great cook. But I still want to experiment with new recipes and new ways of making old recipes! But MIL will have none of it; Monday to Friday I get home from work and food is ready anyways (which I am glad for). But Saturday/Sunday if I need to try something, MIL usually says no don’t bother, I’m already planning to do this or that. So, once again, I feel like no control (and yes, I have tried to cajole her or explain nicely what I want to do – doesn’t work)

Another week

Well, it’s the 2nd day of another week – one more week seems to be whizzing by.
Felt pretty groggy today in the morning getting up and getting to work – esp since had a dinner out last night and got back late (well, ‘late’ by my usual standards which means I hadn’t hit the sack by the usual 10.30-10.45pm). Thought of getting up at 5am as usual (to catch my 6.40am bus to work) – but ditched the idea and woke up at 6.15am instead.

On the way to work, was going through a blitz of thoughts, as usual.
Like why do I continue to be in a job where everyday of my 5 day week I have to leave home at 6.45am, reach back home around 7.30pm (after a 2 hour office-home journey) and then take office calls until about 9pm!
And I really don’t think the job I’m in is even my ‘calling’! The money’s good sure, but I’m no longer bothered about hikes, progressions etc. Want to get out!

I want to break free.....there goes Queen again!

Proactively Reacting....?

So I'm reading my horoscope for today and it's telling me to basically take a chill pill - "Care less, worry less, relax more....and interestingly, strive to avoid prejudice, passion..and paranoia".
Now I'm not really a live-my-life-the-way-my-horoscope-tells-me-to kind of person.
But the words couldn't help resonating considering the kind of start to my day that i had - talk about miscommunication!
MIL* expected me to do one thing - which I had not heard her say I should do. So I left to work not doing it...and turns out it was a 'shock horror' situation. Husband knew about me having to do it, but didn't mention it to me in the morning because he thought I had already done it! So i got to work...MIL called me and spoke to me...and I got irritated because I think home discussions should be had at home (unless it's urgent). Don't see the point of me being in office and MIL telling me blah blah when I'm surrounded by work, co-workers etc.

Anyways, i've decided to let it go. But I'm through just half my morning right now. I have a feeling once I get back home today, MIL will inevitably bring it up again.Don't want to react before she even says something!!



*MIL-MotherInLaw