I can't believe how universal the Saas-Bahu (Mother-in-Law or MIL & Daughter-in-Law or DIL) drama is.....
Every woman I have met in the past 4 years who lives with her husband and his parents have very similar experiences! Just the degree of things vary....
I actually am curious these days about this relationship.
I'm an Indian working woman (my husband and i met in college...got married. So we had a "Love" marriage. We're from similar communities though not the same...but there was no drama from either family on us getting married (except, as my husband told me later, his mom was initially realllly shocked that he had gone ahead and found someone on his own (especially since he's the only son and child!) ).
My husband and I have been staying with his parents for over 4 years now...and frankly, I do enjoy it but it can also be frustrating. And it's very comforting to know that there are so many women out there who go through the same! \
Of course, his parents really are wonderful people....but many times I think they would have preferred a DIL who is more docile and nods her head to what they say rather than someone like me who can many times speak out an opinion that doesn't agree with the majority's!
I'm also not a great cook. And i tell hubby that on weekends I really try to learn from my MIL. But we clash in the kitchen on many things like she wants me to cut onions a certain way (!!) and I say "why not this way" and she just gets quiet! I know this is really trivial right...cutting onions...but really, when you hear the same things over and over again for 4 years, it can get frustrating.
So this year I've decided I have to learn to "Let go".....seriously, just let go. She says something, I want to be able to nod my head...breath slowly...not get irritated...and just let go.....
Monday, January 02, 2012
More than a year later...
...Hmm..I'm back because my hubby said "Do you have a hobby...like a real hobby..something you passionately like and want to do and are willing to set aside the time for?"
I was about to blurt "I like to read you know" - but then I really wondered, what did i realllly like to do? (Introspection revealed my reading habits were sporadic - could go a few months without touching a book and then read like 4 books in a month).
I honestly don't know...maybe this year I should focus on finding something.
If I look at the folks around me: My MIL likes to cook (she's fantastic and can cook really anything under the sun...she also thinks she's the most fantastic cook alive and nobody can beat her ;-))
My FIL (Father-In-Law) watches TV 8-10 hours a day - and can rattle offnows whatever there is to know about politics, movies, cooking shows...
Hubby can think, talk, eat and sleep cars & bikes.
Hmmmm....
I was about to blurt "I like to read you know" - but then I really wondered, what did i realllly like to do? (Introspection revealed my reading habits were sporadic - could go a few months without touching a book and then read like 4 books in a month).
I honestly don't know...maybe this year I should focus on finding something.
If I look at the folks around me: My MIL likes to cook (she's fantastic and can cook really anything under the sun...she also thinks she's the most fantastic cook alive and nobody can beat her ;-))
My FIL (Father-In-Law) watches TV 8-10 hours a day - and can rattle offnows whatever there is to know about politics, movies, cooking shows...
Hubby can think, talk, eat and sleep cars & bikes.
Hmmmm....
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I need to really start channeling my frustrations to some outlet. What frustrations you ask?
Well,
1. Living with in-laws is turning out to be (for 2 years now out of 4 years of being married and out of 6 years of knowing my hubby)
i.Great on the one hand because of the kind of support system there is (minimal worry about cooking, household chores, how to celebrate festivals the ‘right’ way, no bothers of finding a maid who will clean the house by 7am before I leave to work)
ii.NOT So Great because (and these are merely indicative):
a.I can’t go in and just change the way things are, say, arranged in the kitchen – have to discuss with MIL first (of course, they’ve lived in this house for 20+ years so they don’t want change; but I’m just starting off living a married life and have so many ideas of my own) and she rarely wants to do anything new in the kitchen since she’s lived this way for so long. So I feel like I have no control over something that is so simple really.
b.Cannot cook whatever I want to: Okay, so I’m not a great cook. But I still want to experiment with new recipes and new ways of making old recipes! But MIL will have none of it; Monday to Friday I get home from work and food is ready anyways (which I am glad for). But Saturday/Sunday if I need to try something, MIL usually says no don’t bother, I’m already planning to do this or that. So, once again, I feel like no control (and yes, I have tried to cajole her or explain nicely what I want to do – doesn’t work)
Well,
1. Living with in-laws is turning out to be (for 2 years now out of 4 years of being married and out of 6 years of knowing my hubby)
i.Great on the one hand because of the kind of support system there is (minimal worry about cooking, household chores, how to celebrate festivals the ‘right’ way, no bothers of finding a maid who will clean the house by 7am before I leave to work)
ii.NOT So Great because (and these are merely indicative):
a.I can’t go in and just change the way things are, say, arranged in the kitchen – have to discuss with MIL first (of course, they’ve lived in this house for 20+ years so they don’t want change; but I’m just starting off living a married life and have so many ideas of my own) and she rarely wants to do anything new in the kitchen since she’s lived this way for so long. So I feel like I have no control over something that is so simple really.
b.Cannot cook whatever I want to: Okay, so I’m not a great cook. But I still want to experiment with new recipes and new ways of making old recipes! But MIL will have none of it; Monday to Friday I get home from work and food is ready anyways (which I am glad for). But Saturday/Sunday if I need to try something, MIL usually says no don’t bother, I’m already planning to do this or that. So, once again, I feel like no control (and yes, I have tried to cajole her or explain nicely what I want to do – doesn’t work)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Another week
Well, it’s the 2nd day of another week – one more week seems to be whizzing by.
Felt pretty groggy today in the morning getting up and getting to work – esp since had a dinner out last night and got back late (well, ‘late’ by my usual standards which means I hadn’t hit the sack by the usual 10.30-10.45pm). Thought of getting up at 5am as usual (to catch my 6.40am bus to work) – but ditched the idea and woke up at 6.15am instead.
On the way to work, was going through a blitz of thoughts, as usual.
Like why do I continue to be in a job where everyday of my 5 day week I have to leave home at 6.45am, reach back home around 7.30pm (after a 2 hour office-home journey) and then take office calls until about 9pm!
And I really don’t think the job I’m in is even my ‘calling’! The money’s good sure, but I’m no longer bothered about hikes, progressions etc. Want to get out!
I want to break free.....there goes Queen again!
Felt pretty groggy today in the morning getting up and getting to work – esp since had a dinner out last night and got back late (well, ‘late’ by my usual standards which means I hadn’t hit the sack by the usual 10.30-10.45pm). Thought of getting up at 5am as usual (to catch my 6.40am bus to work) – but ditched the idea and woke up at 6.15am instead.
On the way to work, was going through a blitz of thoughts, as usual.
Like why do I continue to be in a job where everyday of my 5 day week I have to leave home at 6.45am, reach back home around 7.30pm (after a 2 hour office-home journey) and then take office calls until about 9pm!
And I really don’t think the job I’m in is even my ‘calling’! The money’s good sure, but I’m no longer bothered about hikes, progressions etc. Want to get out!
I want to break free.....there goes Queen again!
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Proactively Reacting....?
So I'm reading my horoscope for today and it's telling me to basically take a chill pill - "Care less, worry less, relax more....and interestingly, strive to avoid prejudice, passion..and paranoia".
Now I'm not really a live-my-life-the-way-my-horoscope-tells-me-to kind of person.
But the words couldn't help resonating considering the kind of start to my day that i had - talk about miscommunication!
MIL* expected me to do one thing - which I had not heard her say I should do. So I left to work not doing it...and turns out it was a 'shock horror' situation. Husband knew about me having to do it, but didn't mention it to me in the morning because he thought I had already done it! So i got to work...MIL called me and spoke to me...and I got irritated because I think home discussions should be had at home (unless it's urgent). Don't see the point of me being in office and MIL telling me blah blah when I'm surrounded by work, co-workers etc.
Anyways, i've decided to let it go. But I'm through just half my morning right now. I have a feeling once I get back home today, MIL will inevitably bring it up again.Don't want to react before she even says something!!
*MIL-MotherInLaw
Now I'm not really a live-my-life-the-way-my-horoscope-tells-me-to kind of person.
But the words couldn't help resonating considering the kind of start to my day that i had - talk about miscommunication!
MIL* expected me to do one thing - which I had not heard her say I should do. So I left to work not doing it...and turns out it was a 'shock horror' situation. Husband knew about me having to do it, but didn't mention it to me in the morning because he thought I had already done it! So i got to work...MIL called me and spoke to me...and I got irritated because I think home discussions should be had at home (unless it's urgent). Don't see the point of me being in office and MIL telling me blah blah when I'm surrounded by work, co-workers etc.
Anyways, i've decided to let it go. But I'm through just half my morning right now. I have a feeling once I get back home today, MIL will inevitably bring it up again.Don't want to react before she even says something!!
*MIL-MotherInLaw
Monday, July 19, 2010
No more sitting on the old school bench
Queen crooning "I want to break free" is running in my head today. A few days ago it was "Boulevard of broken dreams" ..with the line "my shadow's only one that walks beside me" truly resonating with moi!
This year so far has turned out to be one of the most challenging: I'm actuely conscious of wanting change - at work, in my personal life, in the way i'm living my life everyday. But what kind of change? Ah, well, that is really hard to define.
It's as if I wnat to change the status quo about everything: I want to change my job, I want to consciously make an effort to exercise more regularly (followed by lose weight and look better!), I want to prove I can cook good if i put my mind to it.....I want to read more.....listen to more music....the list is endless!
This year so far has turned out to be one of the most challenging: I'm actuely conscious of wanting change - at work, in my personal life, in the way i'm living my life everyday. But what kind of change? Ah, well, that is really hard to define.
It's as if I wnat to change the status quo about everything: I want to change my job, I want to consciously make an effort to exercise more regularly (followed by lose weight and look better!), I want to prove I can cook good if i put my mind to it.....I want to read more.....listen to more music....the list is endless!
Sunday, October 04, 2009
Road Trip: Manipal>Gokarna>Murdeswar>Gooaaaaaa!
13Sept09 to 20Sep09
The day dawned bright and sunny…….just the perfect start to our road trip adventure! So off we drove…..the four of us, Abyss, myself, Comp and Compess (and the Scorpio)….amidst wild chants of “Goa…Goaa..Goaaaaaaaaa!!!”
Of course, no amount of excitement could hide the fact that we needed grub– so it was a half hour breakfast stop at Café Coffee Day, Tumkur Road....and then, off we were at 9.30am!
Breakfast @CCD
Back on the road, we zoomed ahead in the Scorpio - the next major stop would be Shimoga for lunch.
Here's our adventure in pictures................
Shriya with Abhi & Sharath. Now, she's lookin at Comp!
-->Lunch at Meenkashi Bhavan, Shimoga -->Then some cool refreshing fun @a stream...
Our stay for the night was going to be at Udupi …as we drove past Manipal, Abyss and myself could only wonder at the kind of changes we saw after 4+ years! So we checked into Hotel Kediyoor at Udupi – and drove back to paaaarty at Manipal!!
Krishna Temple, Udupi
Kediyoor @Udupi Woodlands-Yummy Dosa, Idly fry, Buns
Manipal - Those were the days
New TAPMI campus
Hanging Bridge
-->The Road ahead...... Murdeshwar > Gokarna
Here and there @Gokarna: Om Beach, Namaste Cafe....
And then finally.......it was adios Karnataka...and hellllooooooo Goa!
First impressions:
Palolem Beach (paradise
on earth)
And so continued the adventure - the best part was yet to come!
You ain't seen nothin' yet: Here's the wholllle story in pictures.....
http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/sredir?uname=shveta.shastri&target=ALBUM&id=5399737273743658033&authkey=Gv1sRgCJuY0NXyhNmt1QE&feat=email
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